I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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