It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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