My friends, they love my intelligence
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
