why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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