You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
