ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
