just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
