he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
