i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this hospital has no fireball
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
