Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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