I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
