Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
