My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
