I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
