My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
