I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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