haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
