Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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