somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
