part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
