I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I lost the right to judge tonight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
