if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
