so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
