The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
