please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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