i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
