i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
