I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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