After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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