her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
