New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
