I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
