so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
