Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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