McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
