To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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