Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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