I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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