420 ftw
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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