Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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