she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
