When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
