Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
