ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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