So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
