batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
