He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
