So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
