is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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