I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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