it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
