and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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