I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
