yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
