so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
