At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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