I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have tasted many bathrooms
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
