We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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